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Doritos Spill On Beach FRISCO, North Carolina, December 1, 2006-- A cargo container washed ashore dumping its contents: bags and bags of doritos. *The mating of the colorful Doritos species is a ancient ritual which has recently been endanger by over hunting and recent urban/sea side development. Sadly most doritos bags do not even make it to the beach to copulate and hide their precious offspring before they are swept away by the tide. * Liberals hailed the sighting of hundreds of bags of doritos on a beach in North Carolina, calling the finding definitive proof of a modern species actively trying to "evolve".--WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer 06:16, 3 December 2006 (UTC) * Stoners rejoice as the rare Sea Dorito crawls out of the ocean, making it's once annual trip to shore to mate and lay eggs. --Esteban Colberto 17:35, 3 December 2006 (UTC) *Daily Show viewers swarm the beaches of North Carolina prior to firing up the bong, driving 500 miles and sitting in Jon's audience. --El Payo 04:10, 5 December 2006 (UTC) * This past Saturday, dozens of aborted fun sized baby dorrito bags were found blanketing the New Jersey Coast. Police have few leads, but have designated Chester the Cheetah as a person of interest and have brought him in for questioning.--Weston Esterhazy 04:41, 6 December 2006 (UTC) * Many were killed in this latest round of Dorrito-on-Dorrito violence. A spokesperson for the OD's (Original Dorritos) has released the following statement: "Those pooh butts can't handle our flava!" A representative from the Cool Ranch crew was unavailable for comment.--Weston Esterhazy 04:41, 6 December 2006 (UTC) * Local boy, Zachary Thompson, has been hailed as the vessel for Jesus Christ's second coming by beach goers. Onlookers witnessed the child feed multitudes from just one party pack of chips. There have also been reports of Thompson changing Coke into Pepsi.--Weston Esterhazy 04:41, 6 December 2006 (UTC) =Monkey Drinks Soda= *Further proof that man did not evolve from monkeys. We use a glass, my simian friend. --El Payo 04:14, 5 December 2006 (UTC) =Dolly Parton Awarded at 2006 Kennedy Honors= *Ms. Parton plans to form a Rainbow Coalition in her decolletage. --El Payo 09:06, 3 December 2006 (UTC) * Dolly ecstatic after her enormous breasts receive top honor. Award presenters say, "It's what John Kennedy would have wanted." --Esteban Colberto 17:40, 3 December 2006 (UTC) :+1 for awesomeness --El Payo 04:11, 5 December 2006 (UTC) =Donald Rumsfeld Addresses Troops= Private Donald Rumsfeld meets the other new recruits in his unit at Fort Bragg. --El Payo 09:07, 3 December 2006 (UTC) In the absence of proper armor in Iraq, Rumsfeld employs gaggles of soldiers to serve in his personal human shield unit. --Esteban Colberto 17:13, 3 December 2006 (UTC) *Donald Rumsfeld cuts in line to pick up body armor for his stay in Iraq *Donald's inner monologue: "Oh my goodness, yet another sausage-fest? Great, I'm not going to score any hot poon here...wonder what Condi is doin'"--Weston Esterhazy 21:53, 6 December 2006 (UTC) *"Uh, hi fellas. Not the face!" --DorkVader 17:43, 23 February 2009 (UTC) =Panda Cubs= *The aftermath of a cuteness explosion in Beijing, China. --El Payo 04:18, 5 December 2006 (UTC) =Woman in Striped Shirt= *Horizontal stripes have both a slimming and a 'put me in jailing' effect. --El Payo 04:14, 5 December 2006 (UTC) =Wind Turbines= *The first wind turbines installed for the Bush Administration's new Iraq plan: to reverse the Earth's rotation and take us back to September 10, 2001. --El Payo 04:17, 5 December 2006 (UTC) *Hippie Belief 1: Global Warming exists. Hippie Belief 2: Gay giant pinwheels will cool off the Earth.--Weston Esterhazy 21:53, 6 December 2006 (UTC) =2 Large Men= *The negative space formed by these two fit Americans is the exact shape of Stephen's VH1 Big in 06 Big Breakthrough award. --El Payo 04:13, 5 December 2006 (UTC) =The Queen= *The newest Royal Posturepedic mattress is unveiled in London. --El Payo 04:18, 5 December 2006 (UTC) =Plate of food= *Typical lunch at the Clinton Presidential Library. --El Payo 23:45, 5 December 2006 (UTC) =Whirling Dervishes= *Men in skirts twirling and dancing? Must be the reception for a gay marriage, that or something European.--Weston Esterhazy 21:53, 6 December 2006 (UTC) =Dog Show= *Benji: "I'm Gay!" *PETA had no comment, but a spokesperson was heard gagging on the irony.--Weston Esterhazy 21:53, 6 December 2006 (UTC) =Mary Cheney, Heather Poe= Mary Cheney, her partner, Heather Poe, and Mary's neice, Kate. =NASA Telescope Sees Blackhole Swallow Star= Ooh, Pretty Colors! =St. Nicholas' Day in Sofia= Ooh, more pretty colors. Oh wait, I think that's Jesus! Don't worry Jesus, I'll save you! =Malaysian Children in Parade= Worst. 'Cats' revival. Ever. --El Payo 22:13, 7 December 2006 (UTC) =Japanese Fear Obesity Problem= Taking measurements for the new Nintendo® Salaryman™ Fun Fun Love Doll. --El Payo 22:14, 7 December 2006 (UTC) =Japanese Swim Team= Gotta catch 'em all. --El Payo 22:12, 7 December 2006 (UTC) 'Bring Bring!'--Esteban Colberto 07:30, 11 December 2006 (UTC)